Making things is my true love language
I’m always interested in learning different theories around how we humans work. Although I might not always 100% agree with them, they can be useful lenses that help us understand ourselves - and each other - better.
One such example of this is The Five Love Languages concept. Created in 1992 as a book by Gary Chapman (an author and talk show host) it ‘outlines five general ways that romantic partners express and experience love, which Chapman calls "love languages". They are acts of service, gift-giving, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation.’
I’ve taken the quiz a few times and mine always come out pretty conclusively as physical touch and words of affirmation. Receiving gifts - though something I really enjoy and always appreciate obviously - isn’t my personal priority.
But something I have always loved to do is show my love for other people by making things for them. This Christmas I decided to try and knit my nearest and dearest presents (something I decide to do every few years) and as I went through the thousands of stitches (and undoing stitches. And redoing stitches) I thought a lot about this.
I have been doing this since I was little. And while it’s quite normal for children to make and give gifts, it’s not something that all of us carry into adulthood.
I think there are a few reasons why I love making things for people I care about:
I can create exactly what I think they will enjoy
I hate giving ‘meh’ presents. You know that last few days before the holidays where you panic and spend a ton of money on bubble bath and novelty gifts to fill in the gaps - I can’t stand that bit (though I do very much like receive chocolate!).
There is something really wonderful about creating a one-off just for them present that you are 90% sure they will love. The 10% worry they won’t it scary - but a ‘worth it’ kind of scary!
It shows commitment and effort
While I will totally try my best to show up for people when they need me, my brain is a bit of a jumping bean sometimes. I can have so many things on my mind and so many ideas in play that my attention can be scattered for those I care about most. I feel guilty about it. I try harder. I still do it because I am human.
This is, in part, why I love coaching - I can give my clients my undivided attention for 90 minutes. I am simply meant to be there for that one person.
But for those in my own support network I always feel I could be more present. And presenting them with something that had had hours of attention in it is my way of showing them that I always care, even if my mind can sometimes be somewhere else.
I enjoy it (most of the time)
It’s no secret I love makings things, so perhaps there is very little altruism in the process after all and it’s all just me finding opportunities to make myself happy.
However, not being super skilled in executive functioning skills (particularly estimating how long things will take - time is my constant nemesis) I often end up in a bit of a panic. In past years I have been up till 2am on Christmas Eve finishing presents far more times then I care to admit. This year I wanted to make something for everyone close to me…I achieved about 50% of this goal and had to do some last minute buys to fill in the gaping present gaps.
Also, even if I do enjoy the process, I enjoy it in part because I spend the whole time looking forward to giving it to them. I am practically giddy handing handmade presents over, and I never want to keep them for myself!
It’s an uncomplicated form of creativity
If I was asked to sum up everything I’m about these days it might be something like ‘Making a living from what you love is both wonderful…and complicated.’ Making things for people as gifts takes away a lot of the hard parts - marketing, pricing, customer complaints.
I’ll admit I can throw myself into making presents as a way of avoiding the more difficult aspects of running a creative business.
But sometimes I need to do that, as a reminder of what it’s all about. Cheesy and overly-sincere as it might sound I want to share the gift of creativity with the world, and making something as an actual gift is the simplest and most joyful form of this interaction.
It reminds me of what I want my other creative exchanges with people to feel like too - that I am giving a gift to the world and that gift was made with love.
I guess the next step is to think more about receiving…but that’s for another post.