The journey to finding your authentic creative voice as a sensitive person
A theme that comes up a lot in conversation with sensitive creatives is authenticity.
Of course, we all feel a bit self-conscious using that term these days after #authentic circulated social media and ironically made the word seem authenticity seem to be anything but.
But though it might be repharsed in conversation as 'being my true self', 'being seen for who I am', or 'making things that really represent me' at its core is the desire to recognise our authentic selves, to be able to share them with others, and to be accepted and loved for them. ✨
To reclaim the word authenticity I recently went back to a book that had a huge impact on my own life, one of Brené Brown's earliest works 'The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed To Be and Embrace Who You Are'. In a beautiful, powerful paragraph she sums up the battles so many of us experience as we try to be our 'authentic' selves:
“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle; and nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough. Authenticity demands Wholehearted living and loving—even when it’s hard, even when we’re wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we’re afraid to let ourselves feel it. Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy, and gratitude into our lives.” Brene Brown
For many of us who call ourselves creatives we do that 'soul-searching struggle' through our art. Creativity offers us the opportunity of self-expression, but to do that we have to work out who that 'self' is that we want to express. In the process of our art making we enter into another process – that of working out who we are, what we care most about, and what we want to say (verbally or non-verbally) to the world.
However this valuable – I believe essential – act of discovering who we are through our creative process is complicated for sensitive creatives for a few reasons.
We may have grown up with people around us who didn't understand how we work, or weren't able to relate to our creativity in a supportive way. We might have been exposed to educational or work environments that didn't value our sensitive traits. We may have received unsolicited advice or criticism that made us doubt our creative choices. And for those of who chose to try and make a living from our creativity we probably began to share our work online, which brings new rapidly changing challenges we are really only learning to cope with as we go.
While I will always acknowledge and celebrate the gift that social media has brought to creatives (freedom to work from home, the ability to bypass gatekeepers, the opportunity to find their own loving audience) it hasn't come without downsides too. In the last decade we've seen the concept of the artist/ maker brand have a powerful impact on our creative culture.
For those who have a specialised practice, there is the pressure to create a distinct and recognisable creative 'style' that will be predictable and familiar to their audience. Because this is what audiences have been taught to expect from artists - and because social media rewards those who work in this way - not doing so can lead to accusations of not 'having found your own creative style', copying other artists and having a lack of any creative voice.
Even for those who do enjoy working in one style consistently, it can become trapping as veering away from this to something that feels more authentic to you creates a negative reaction. Should you suddenly find your creativity is evolving in an unexpected direction, or you choose to use your platform to express an opinion that might jar with that brand could cause a real kickback from those who follow you. Just visit the Instagram page of any visual artist around election time who chooses to use their artwork to express their voting intention and you'll see the polarising impact is has – while many will celebrate this there will also be a stream of comments about why 'politics should be kept out of art', 'I'm just here to enjoy your art, not hear your misguided opinions' and the blunt, entitled rejection of a follower feeling the need to publicly announce they are 'Unfollowing' 🙄.
This is painful for everyone, but sensitive people are much more vulnerable to rejection, and many of us are deep-rooted people-pleasers who hate upsetting people or engaging in conflict. We tend to also create artwork to share joy, wonder or connect with people in a meaningful way, so to get these kind of negative responses to simply speaking out on topics we care deeply about can be very painful.
More recently we've seen the development of the personality brand. In this model, we can share our day-to-day lives, our thoughts, feelings, quirks and mistakes as we do with our closest friends to build a relationship with those that choose to follow us. We build relationships of different intimacies, but many become friendships. This can work better for those of us (like me) who long to have the freedom to grow and change at a fast pace creatively the personality brand model feels like it lets you be more authentic as an artist and a person.
But of course the same risks apply with even more potential for conflict. If we are to be our 'true' selves we will say things that other people don't like. While there will always be a counter to this – the like-minded people on the other end of the spectrum who cheer us on for speaking our mind – for lots of sensitive people the idea of saying the 'wrong thing' is terrifying.
We might know on a cognitive level that the only way to 'make' everyone like you is to be extremely bland, to hide your true thoughts, feelings and all those little edges that make people love you. But for us sensitive folks the fear of upsetting people can create such strong emotional reactions that that we experience become both physical symptoms and find a deep inner shame has been reactivated.
I wonder if one reason for this is that many of us learned to mask who we really were from such a young age to fit in that our 'true' inner selves really haven't been given much opportunity to develop resilience to the responses of others.
When you think about it, being told to 'toughen up', 'not cause a scene' or 'not let them know they are getting to you' advice that was intended to help us get through social situations as children, also taught us that the best way to manage the gap between our sensitivity and the insensitivity of the world around us was masking.
I deeply respect Elaine Aron who first published on the HSP trait in her book 'The Highly Sensitive Person' in 1996, but I couldn't align with her advice that HSP's develop a 'persona' to help them navigate social situations. Of course, we all adopt personas all the time subconsciously as a social strategy, there is no shame in that. None of us are really one thing, we are complex multifaceted beings who might be shy and retiring with strangers but outgoing and silly with the people we trust. There is never one true static 'self' as we are always changing and growing. And as empathetic sensitive people we often find ourselves mirroring the emotions of those around us to make them feel more accepted or heard.
But the idea of consciously adopting a persona jars with me because I see the pain caused by a lifetime of adapting, altering, and trying to fit in so we can be accepted by the majority of the up to 80% of people who are not highly sensitive. Of course I acknowledge this doesn't just happen to sensitive people, it's the survival experience of many people with different identities and characteristics in a world that is no where near accepting enough.
A rebellious little voice within me can't help but cry 'Why do we have to pretend to be someone we aren't? Why can't the world learn to be more accepting of who we are?'.
I know for me my pursuit of self-expression through my creativity has been a journey to take off those masks, to try to discover who I really am underneath and from the bravery to share them to outside world. But along the way I have felt overwhelmed or full of self-doubt and each time a new mask is formed. The mask of 'a serious artist'. The mask of 'A professional'. The mask of 'false success' for fear of rejection were I to tell the world that yeah, I followed my creative dream and sometimes I think I am going to fail.
I believe that this is a deeply personal, non-linear journey and there is no 'right' or 'wrong' path. Sometimes we wear a mask that enables us to take one brave step closer to our truth. Maybe we take off a mask only to find it too raw an experience, so we wear it for a little bit longer while we work on that sore spot. Sometimes we need help from others in taking the mask off, but other times we put our hands to our face and realise to our surprise the mask is gone. We just didn't need it anymore.
So how can we start to take off these masks and discover our authentic creative self?
Forky from Toy Story 4 is working on the same questions
If you are asking yourself questions like 'who on earth am I?', 'what do I want my creativity to do for me, or for other people?' or 'what do I really want to say' then lovely creative, you are already doing the work.
But to help you on your quest of self-discovery let me leave you with these questions that can often act as a signpost towards where we really want to go:
What would you say, do, or create if you knew you didn't have to fear the negative responses of others?
What do you imagine creating but talk yourself out of doing when you think about the potential criticisms you might meet?
What did you love to do or make when you were a child?
What brings you joy or meaning to make just for you?
And remember, even though your journey to finding your authentic creative voice as a sensitive person is unique and your own, you aren't alone in it!
Sending you kind wishes and creative magic as you rediscover your own amazing creative self,
Eleanor 🌠
Was this post useful to you? If so please help me to offer these resources to the sensitive creatives who need them! It's easy, just share it with someone you know who might appreciate it. You can send them this email as a blogpost with the link www.eleanorchaney.com/on-creativity/finding-your-authentic-creative-voice